// ============================================== // Copyright 2004 by CodeLifter.com // Free for all; but please leave in this header. // ============================================== var Quotation=new Array() // do not change this! // Set up the quotations to be shown, below. // To add more quotations, continue with the // pattern, adding to the array. Remember // to increment the Quotation[x] index! Quotation[0] = "Home is where the mortgage is
(Billy Connolly)"; Quotation[1] = "An attic is where you store all the junk you'd throw away if you didn't have one.
(Herbert Prochnow)"; Quotation[2] = "Excuse the mess, but we live here.
(Roseanne)"; Quotation[3] = "If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to your door, greet them with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
(Phyllis Diller)"; Quotation[4] = "If you're going through hell, keep going.
(Winston Churchill)"; Quotation[5] = "Always say Benjamin Franklin said it first and people will accept your idea much more readily.
(David Comins)"; Quotation[6] = "I have problems flown in fresh daily wherever I am.
(Richard Lewis)"; Quotation[7] = "When all else fails, read the instructions
(Anon)."; Quotation[8] = "It works better if you plug it in.
(Sattinger's Law)"; Quotation[9] = "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
(George W Bush)"; Quotation[10] = "I'm filthy stinking rich. Well, two out of three ain't bad.
(Emo Philips)"; Quotation[11] = "There is nothing in the world more reassuring than an unhappy lottery winner.
(Tony Parsons)"; Quotation[12] = "You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.
(Rodney Dangerfield)"; Quotation[13] = "My last credit card bill was so big, when I opened it I actually heard a drum roll.
(Rita Rudner)"; Quotation[14] = "I handed one of my creditors an IOU and thought thank Heavens that's settled.
(Richard Sheridan)"; Quotation[15] = "Nothing dispells enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
(Kim Hubbard)"; Quotation[16] = "I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.
(Henny Youngman)"; Quotation[17] = "'Imagine no possessions', sang John Lennon, who owned a luxury apartment in New York solely to house his clothes.
(Arthur Smith)"; Quotation[18] = "I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
(Douglas Adams)"; Quotation[19] = "Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile. I tried it but they demanded cash.
(Jackie Mason)"; Quotation[20] = "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."; Quotation[21] = "What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."; Quotation[22] = "You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories."; Quotation[23] = "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."; Quotation[24] = "I started out with nothing and I've still got most of it left.
(Groucho Marx)"; Quotation[25] = "My wife was looking through a fashion magazine, and she saw a fur coat. She said 'I want that.' So I cut it out and gave it to her.
(Tommy Cooper)"; Quotation[26] = "I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
(Emo Philips)"; Quotation[27] = "You have no idea how much it costs to look this cheap.
(Dolly Parton)"; Quotation[28] = "A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
(Nora Ephron)"; Quotation[29] = "Come back next Thursday with a specimen of your money.
(Henny Youngman)"; Quotation[30] = "A refrigerator is a place where you store leftovers until they're old enough to throw out.
(Al Boliska)"; Quotation[31] = "Eating out is so expensive. I went to one restaurant and instead of having prices on the menu, they just had pictures of faces with different expressions of horror.
(Rita Rudner)"; Quotation[32] = "The wife said she'd like to eat out for a change. So I moved the dining room table into the garden.
(Les Dawson)"; Quotation[33] = "Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
(Charlie Brown)"; Quotation[34] = "These are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
(Groucho Marx)"; Quotation[35] = "What I'm looking for is a blessing that's not in disguise.
(Kitty O'Neill Collins)"; Quotation[36] = "I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
(Emo Philips)"; Quotation[37] = "I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
(Zsa Zsa Gabor)"; Quotation[38] = "If your boat doesn't come in, swim out to it.
(Jonathan Winters)"; Quotation[39] = "In my family the biggest sin was to buy retail.
(Woody Allen)"; Quotation[40] = "I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
(Rita Rudner)"; Quotation[41] = "A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
(Nancy Reagan)"; Quotation[42] = "How do you make God laugh? Tell Him your plans. (Woody Allen)"; Quotation[43] = "I don't want to live on in my work. I want to live on in my apartment.
(Woody Allen)"; // ====================================== // Do not change anything below this line // ====================================== var Q = Quotation.length; var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1)); function showQuotation(){document.write(Quotation[whichQuotation]);}showQuotation();